4 go mad in Cancun

Sean and Nessie had been to Mexico before about 10 years previous, but it was on my bucket list of places to go. Caroline was happy to give it a go as well as we had spent a lot of our time holidaying with the kids in Europe.
Now our kids are all grown up, its time for us to start living our lives and enjoying ourselves. As a group we have always put our kids first having taken them on all our holidays over the years all over the world. But having a family young then gives you the chance to let your life begin at forty! To be fair its only Sean who is close to forty the rest of us were pushing half a century but that's a small detail. Fifty is the next forty is what they say.
So Mexico bound we found ourselves going and we were all excited about it. The flight as usual was long but Caroline and Sean made the most of it sleeping as soon as we took off. Nessie and I left to sit there on our own making the most of the TV and films provided.
The highlight of the flight for me was when Sean was woken up not long before we landed to be given his Cornetto. He was gutted and rather put out that it was a toddler size one and not the real thing. He still goes on about it now!

Getting our cases and going through the immigration was again very long and boring. You get kettled all the way through with people pushing in like they are gonna get something better than you for being in front. It was quite interesting though as we saw a young woman coming by us who we had all noticed getting on the plane. The reason we noticed her was that when she got on she had a short but thick knitted dress on and also a massive pair of green wellies. She was all glammed up as the young girls do these days with half a tonne of make up on and not a hair out of place. We had all looked at each other and thought silly cow. Your going to Mexico and you have Wellies on WTF! Anyway as we were heading through immigration we saw her again, this time she still had the knitted dress and wellies on, but the heat seemed to melt her made up face. It was all over the place and her perfect hair now looked like she had been in a cat fight and had been dragged along by it!
We felt a little smug!

The smugness was wiped off of our faces however as when we got outside it was actually pissing down! Wellies not a bad shout then! made my crocs look a bit daft have to say. As we left the arrivals area we came straight out to a crowd of men all wearing the same, blue shirts and white trousers. They came up saying  "Thompson holidays this way". So to us looked totally legit.  However do not be fooled by this. These are just men trying to make a living by carrying your bags to the coach for tips.
Now I don't have an issue with that people have to make a living  but it would have been nice to know about this prior to landing. At least then you can prepare for it. When I go on holiday I normally take cash in a money belt. So trying to find small denomination notes without the guy seeing what I had was a little difficult. This meant that I gave more than the going rate for this.
So if you are going to Cancun keep and odd $5 handy for the cases man. They take American $ all over Mexico, you dont have to have local currancy.

Cancun is a man made resort built especially for the tourist trade by the Mexican government. It is very beautiful and very safe. The people are very friendly and helpful also. This is their bread and butter and they want to look after it.

The Hotel we were staying in was fabulous https://www.facebook.com/pages/Crown-Paradise-Cancun-Hotel-Y-Spa/419483681471136 the rooms wrap around an open area and to one side there is the beach with an infinity pool pool bar and kids pool. There is also a roof top pool again with its own bar. It was really clean and had several restaurants and a couple of bars and even a little night club. I would recommend it for sure.

The food in the hotel was top class. We used all of the restaurants in the hotel there is a Chinese and Sushi one, a steak one, a Mexican one, Italian and french one off the top of my head. These were open in the evenings. The only issue was that you had to book in advance which one you wanted to go to. This was up to 48 hours before. You couldn't book that day for that place. If like us you went out on trips and stuff this made it hard to book within the time slots. Its is a stupid idea and we did put that in our review.
One night we couldn't get in anywhere and both Caroline and Nessie were fuming about it. I have said before that Caroline is my pit bull but Nessie is not much better to be honest. The two of them angry together Jeez look out. The woman behind the counter at reception was unmovable and the manager did not want to come out and face them. So in the deadlock Sean and I were despatched to the Steak house to see if there were any free tables. Of course there were loads, on knowing this Caroline and Nessie went direct and collared the manager of the restaurant. By this time the snarling had turned to butter wouldn't melt, and the manager quickly made us a special table up and gave us to free champagne. We had been in there a few times and the food was lush. We had made friends with the waiters so we were looked after. The reason we were told it was full was due to a large contingent of Koreans being in there and they were keeping the staff busy. But they found time for us. Caroline and Nessie made a B line to let the reception know we had beat her. She was not happy!
The Koreans in the steak house cracked us up as they had a bull riding thing in there and these old Koreans were loving it. Waving cowboy hats and yehaing (is that a word?) I pissed myself at them but they were having a great time.

As we were on holiday out there in November we expected it to be a winter sun holiday. But for the first couple of days it rained so bad we thought it would never stop. It was still really hot an humid but you have never seen rain like it. To go from the pool area to the main reception you have to go up a flight of stairs. There were staff there literally sweeping the water down the stairs. It was a thankless job as the rain was falling constantly but they carried on regardless. the place kept getting flooded and on top of that there was an opening either side of the reception and so a wind tunnel was created.  To be fair though this only occurred for the first couple of days  after that it was pure sunshine for the whole two weeks.
Something to be aware of if you are going to Cancun is that there is not a lot of night life around the hotel area. You have to go downtown to be able to go to bars clubs and so on. The hotels do their best to entertain and be independent and for the most part this is fine. But we do like to get out and about and check out little bars and so on. The holiday was all inclusive and we did have a massive choice but do be prepared for that aspect of it. The main bar in our hotel was a London bar. Which consisted of a place playing the Beatles and having pictures of London buses on the wall. It was OK we could play pool and have a laugh but when we were there it was a bit quiet.

The biggest thing to happen in there was when part of the roof gave way and the rain came in like a waterfall. Caroline went to tell the barman and some random pissed American woman came over with a bit of tissue! " you might need a bit more than that love" Caroline said as the rain was pissing in. " Oh my" was the ladies response with a quick exit stage left! The barman didn't do much more than just move the tables out of the way. Apparently there was a refurb going on so its fine to let the place sink, apparently!

Just down some steps from the pool and there was a beautiful wide beach with sun loungers all along for your use. The sand is lovely and white but not too hot for your feet. Inevitably there are beach sellers all over. This is the same at all resorts although the stuff they sell can vary. In Cancun the main item for sale was Cuban Cigars. Well that's what they said they were anyway. None of us smoke so we weren't very interested. Cuba is another place on my list and so if you are going to try cigars surely it can wait until I get there to make sure its the real deal!
The beach sellers don't harass you too much to be fair I have had far worse in Gran Caneria and Spain. But if you like bartering with people for fake sunglasses and designer handbags then you will find you can here.

I would however like to give a warning regarding the beach and the sea here. The sea looks really inviting. It is clear and blue and is part of the Caribbean, but be aware there is a serious undercurrent here.
Sean bought a Go Pro camera just before we left for the holiday. These are the cameras that are waterproof and do video and action shots. You can buy all sorts of accessories to enable you to take selfies and so on. So on this particular day we all decided to take a stroll along the beach. We were paddling sort of up to our knees  as you do. As the waves started to come in Sean and I thought it would be fun to jump some waves and video or action. Out we went jumping and so on. before too long I started to feel that I was getting a little too deep and too far out and so i said to Sean about making our way back in. As I was doing so I noticed Caroline wading out towards me waving me back in. I started to start to swim towards her but then all of a sudden she disappeared. I started to panic as I knew she was in the water somewhere. I tried and tried with all I could to swim towards where she had been standing. It was impossible I was being swept away to the left and I could not make any headway at all. I was desperate to get some type of footing so I could move faster. It seemed like an eternity passed before I could get my feet on the ground.
I was shattered at one point I thought I would not make it back to shore myself, but Caroline was still missing. Nessie was on the beach shouting trying to see her. Then out of nowhere a jet ski appeared the rider stopped reached into the sea and grabbed Caroline by the arm. He then dragged her to the shore.
By the time I managed to get there Caroline was being comforted by Nessie and Sean was just getting there also. The jet ski however vanished, just like that he was gone! Caroline was really upset and frightened.She had intended to come and wave us in as she was worried we were too far out. But out of the blue the current took her and she was unable to do anything about it!
I am convinced that had the jet ski man not come along she would have drowned! I am not exaggerating. 
To this day I have no idea where that guy came from or where he went but I know he saved Coraline's life that day. It could have all been so different. So if you go there be aware that there is a flag system to tell you where is safe, do not let your kids go to deep and always stay where you are comfortable.
The undercurrent is very very strong, and you may not be as lucky as we were.

Next to our hotel was another hotel that had been badly hit by a hurricane a year or so earlier. It was not sealed off and so you could go in and explore. There were loads of Iguanas running around there and so Caroline and I went in to investigate and get some pictures.

As we walked around we managed to see loads and loads of them all running around freely taking no notice of us at all. Its amazing to us to see something lie this which is normal day to day for the people in the area. As we walked around we stumbled across an area of the old hotel where the beach sellers camp. They were not pleased to see us to be fair. They started to shout private property and the like. So we just made a tactical withdrawal. But it was nice to see the Iguanas so free and happy sunning themselves without a care in the world.

We are all the sort of people who like to see what there is to see when on holiday. We are not action people but we dont just sit by the pool. We arranged to go on several trips whilst we were in Cancun. but we did make the mistake of booking them through the holiday rep. If you go outside of the hotel you can get a bus that takes you up into the town area. There are places there where you can get the same trips and cheaper. It is just a case  of if you trust it?

The first trip we decided to go on was to the ancient pyramids of Chichen Itza. This is one of the wonders of the world. So this was a chance not to be missed.

 To go here was a long coach ride starting early in the morning. We would have some breakfast snacks on the coach and we would stop off to have a meal later in the day. We would also go to a sink hole on the way back. The coach was a luxury coach with toilets on board and our seats were reserved for us. We had 4 facing each other across a table. So all very civilized. We were all in good spirits as we went along we had our breakfast which was fine and we were all relaxed. Part way through the journey a guy stood up and introduced himself. He was to be our guide for the day. We didn't realise we had a guide to look after us but hey we did.
So the guide started to speak and tell us all about Chichen Itza and about Mexico and so on. But OMG could this guy go on! and he did for hours and hours it seemed. He was rabbiting on like we were all hanging on his every word.  (we wasn't) In actual fact Sean and I and Caroline and Nessie were more hooked on watching his mouth movements when he spoke. I have never seen anything like it. if you can imagine an old dubbed kung fu film where the mouth moved before the words came out, well that's what was happening here.
It was amazing and we just could not stop laughing at it. And of course we all had to do our best impersonation of him. I think Sean won this particular competition.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pFjpfmeOtg

If you have read  any of my stories before you will know that Caroline has Crohns disease which is a bowel condition. She has to be aware of toilets at all times, so it was a relief to know that the coach had one on it and so there would be no problem for her.
Part way through the trip she decided to give the loo a try and so off she went. She seemed to be gone for ages and so when she came back looking rather flustered we of course enquired if all was OK.
So this is what she told us.

The toilet on the coach is quite small, Caroline (and apparently a lot of ladies) does not ever sit on the toilet seat. She does this stance that allows her to hover. So because of the size of the loo she stood to one side facing the door. Shorts around her feet and knickers around her knees in the hover pose. All of a sudden the door flies open (even though it was locked and the door said engaged) and there stands an oriental man. Unfazed the man does not immediately shut the door, and so instead of covering her modesty Caroline flings her arms open and says "really", to which the man shuts the door and retreats.
Filled now with embarrassment Caroline hangs on in the loo trying to work out  how to get passed without further shame. In the end there was no other option but to do the walk of shame head up and avoid eye contact. No such luck however as she opened the door the oriental man was sat dead opposite the loo with his group. Yeah you've all seen it Caroline thought to herself as she hurried passed.

Well for us this was just comedy gold, we teased that Caroline and her snatch would be all over Asia before we got home. She was not too impressed!

The guide advised us that the government  had given permission for a small group of native Mayan people to sell souvenirs around the site. However he said that due to corruption there were now over two thousand sellers there. He told us to be aware of poor quality and scams. I actually wasn't prepared for Chichen Itza I thought it was one pyramid but actually it is a massive site. There are several different buildings to see. And also a large area to walk around. The guide wanted us to all stay together and do a tour but that's not my thing. I like to explore on my own and so that's what we did. It was an amazing place steeped in history. Like the game they used to play where you threw a ball through a hoop to win, if you won they chopped off your head as your prize! I was never good at sport Id defo be rubbish at this!
The guide was right there were loads of stalls people selling the local tat. Lots of wooden masks all painted with paint from the local flowers. Little models made out of granite , woven materials and leather goods. All looked OK to me if you want that sort of thing. Looks like we did.

The thing is whilst they tell you to avoid scams, when they drove us back we stopped at a place selling all the stuff you can get at the market but at 3 times the price. No difference as far as I could see. Just depends on what you believe is a scam! Lunch was fine we stopped at a place that did a buffet style meal. You could go up a couple of times if you wished it was good enough. It was here that we met a couple from Michigan, they were really nice. The husband was the largest man I have ever come across! He said that his dad was small like us I said no mate he was normal size like us its you who's massive!

We stopped on the way back at a sink hole in Yucatan. These are called cenote. They are all over Mexico and are the main source of fresh water. The one we went to was excellent. You can swim here but you have to have a shower first so no sun creams and so on. Redbull also do a cliff diving competition there as part of there diving show. There were little tiny fish in there and it was so clear you could see to the bottom. There is a ledge that you can go onto and jump off like a diving area. I was straight up there using Sean's Go Pro to video myself. I felt like I was part of the Red bull challenge! to my surprise Sean wouldn't do it he is scared of heights (not that it was that high). What a Jessie.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m09N62TA2T8  my cliff jump

One of the other attractions you can go to is a place called Xel Ha I would totally recommend this trip.http://www.xelha.com/ . All food drinks and use of snorkels and and life jackets are included in the price. There is lots to do. You can walk all around a huge lake with different things to see from birds to lizards to cliff jumps and zip wires.
Sean and Nessie are into the snorkeling where as Caroline and I liked to have a walk around. I did the two cliff jumps they have there Sean again declined as did Caroline although she did come to the edge to jump but didn't.

I was quite pleased with myself doing these jumps as I am not normally the daredevil type so not sure what come over me. Caroline and I also went on the zip wires here which was fun. We did some snorkeling as well. There was a part you could go into that was like a cave. There was a little rock in the middle of it where there was a photo Op under an opening where the sun shines down. As you go out you have to go through a small opening. It looked very very small as you approach and the easiest way was to go under the water.
As we all got to the other side we were all bobbing along in a circle debating where to go next, all of a sudden Caroline started to feel something touching her legs. This started a chain reaction of panic around us Sean was trying to swim away quick smart (as I said Jessie). Caroline tried to swim away as well but it wouldn't leave her alone. It was just at this point she finally realised that it was in fact the strap from her life jacket touching her leg and not the monster from the blue lagoon! What a numpty!

We also signed up for a trip to swim with turtles. This was an early start and so we sat in reception waiting for our guide to pick us up when this little old people carrier turned up. Sean and I looked at each other with a curious look thinking surely this is not for us? But yep it was was. in we jumped all rather squashed. Under our seats were snorkels and life jackets and so on. As we were driving to the place picking up people on the way we started to wonder if the trip was what we were expecting. The guide was a Dutch fella (with perfect English). It transpired that we were actually going to the rain forest to swim in a Cenote and have lunch before going on to a beach where we could swim with turtles. We were actually more than a little pissed off about this. We had already done a swim in a cenote and really didn't want to do it again but it was too late we were on our way.  As it turned out this was a great trip. We arrived at a rain forest entrance and trekked through with the guide explaining all about the plant life and animals all around. There was a tree there that you cannot touch as if you do it will burn your skin! but just along from this tree is a tree that has the antidote to the burning. As we walked through it began to rain and so we had to nip passed the tree as if the rain drops hit you, you could get burnt by the water running off of the tree.
We went snorkeling in the cenote which was again clear as anything, totally refreshing and an amazing feeling swimming in the rain in the rainforest.

As we were getting out some people were going in to scuba dive. One guy was sat on the edge but one of the people with him dropped an air tank on his foot! Jeez did this guy ever scream! must have broken his foot big time.
Lunch was served to us in a wooden structure in the middel of the forest. It was all based around bananas which was fine by me but Caroline hates bananas, she wont even touch them cos she says they are furry. So one of us went hungry.

The swim with the turtles was a little further on and so after a short ride we came to a beach area that was specifically for the turtles. We were given life vests and flippers snorkels and masks. Off we went the whole group together. The guide was great he took us out  and showed us up close the swimming turtles. Caroline was still a bit worried about the water after the near drowning so the guide looked after her having her hang on to his life jacket, he was great. As it turned out this was a smashing trip one we really enjoyed. The guide was terrific  and made the day.

http://www.viator.com/Riviera-Maya-and-the-Yucatan-attractions/Xplor-Adventure-Park-tours-tickets/d770-a14482?pref=02 Xplor theme park was the other main attraction we had signed up for. At this place there were zip wires snorkeling off road jeeps canoeing and so on. This is mainly done in a caved environment. Have to say the place is an absolute must see. Personally this trip was not my favorite but it has to be seen the cave walk through it is amazing. At the centre of it near the locker area there is a huge beating heart that makes the sound and also lights up.
I was mostly excited about going on the zip wires, as I said I have become a bit of a daredevil and so nothing was going to stop me going on it. As Caroline had been on the ones at Xel Ha she had some confidence to have a go herself. Sean was also fairly interested but Nessie did not want to go on them.
This did create a little bit of an issue between Nessie and Sean. As Caroline had decided to have a go on the zip wire this meant Nessie would be on her own. Sean was a little torn but decided to go on them. We queued up for a while to get all the straps on and hard hats and so on. When it was our turn Sean was told he couldn't take his selfie stick. He was not impressed and so refused to leave it behind. He wasn't therefore allowed on. I think this helped Sean as he did feel guilty about leaving Nessie.
Caroline and I set off on the on the route to start the zip wire adventure. Basically there were a series of platforms that gradually got higher and higher before coming down in height. This is all done at speed on a wire.
Caroline lost her bottle to be fair as we started to get higher. She dithered for so long at one point that the staff member actually pushed her off. I was halfway across as I heard her shout " you CUUUUNNNNNTTTTTT!" charming language from a lady!
We did make it all the way to the end of the ride, as once you are on you cannot get off. Personally I loved it and would do it again in a heart beat.

When we finally go off of the zip wires and went back to find Sean and Nessie we must have been away over an hour or so. We headed back to the locker area where the heart is only to see Sean sitting there staring at the heart! "what you doing here?" I asked. So it turns out that he had been sitting there the whole time. basically he came back after not being allowed on with his selfie stick expecting to find Nessie but there was no sign of her. He had been to the eating area where they planned to meet but no sign there and she had not been around at all.
We encouraged him to come with us for something to eat but he was adamant that he should wait where he was. He had been watching the heart beat for best part of two hours. There was a camera in front of it and Sean had been watching people trying to jump and pose in front of this heart. He was getting a little irritated at some peoples inability to time their jump correctly.

 His reasoning for not moving was that Nessie would have to come passed at some point, she wouldn't go on anything on her own and he didn't want to upset her by going on rides alone if she was sat somewhere. There is logic in there as we all know what women are like (men only comment). So with a heavy heart (no pun intended Sean) Caroline and I went off to get some lunch.

Not long after we finished Nessie and Sean turned up, they weren't happy with each other for sure. We left them to have their lunch in peace, but the day was young and there was other stuff to do. Sean walked with me having a little moan about Nessie and Nessie walked with Caroline having a little moan about Sean.  We knew the next few hours would be interesting! We went off to have a go on the off road driving track. As we approached the staff member there said "hello again" to Nessie! she had been on it before. Sean and Nessie jumped into one car with Caroline and I behind. As we started to follow it became clear that Nessie knew what was coming. Sean had told her that he did not want to get wet, so true to form as she came to a large puddle Nessie sped up creating a large wave going all up the side of the vehicle soaking Sean. There was also a waterfall bit as well where suddenly the speed of the vehicle dropped to a crawl. Once again Sean got it! Following behind we could see it all unfolding in front of us and we were loving it. As this off road track was going all through a forest area the car seemed to get close to the edge on one side, Sean's side. you could see his head bopping as the branches and the leaves and sticks kept bumping him on the head.

There are two routes for the off road driving and so when we got to the end of route one with Nessie driving there was no chance Sean was going to let her to drive the second route.
They swapped over and Sean gave Nessie his Go Pro to hold. We knew what was going to happen and so as the first branch smacked Nessie on the head I crashed our jeep straight into a tree laughing my head off. Fortunately these cars are pretty battered anyway so I thought that once I got to the end I would jump out quick and get out of the way.
Sean continued to try to provide retribution as he drove around, But Nessie had the upper hand as she told him that his Go Pro was going to be launched if he continued. Not to be messed with Sean loves his Go Pro.

Although Sean was convinced that Nessie would not go on the attractions on her own, he was totally wrong. Nessie had in fact been on everything on her own not just once but twice. All this whilst Sean was sat watching a heart beat boom boom boom boom! This became apparent when we were walking through a cave area and Nessie directed us Sean commented "been on this one as well love" "oh yes" she replied "thought you had" I think it was at this point the ice was broken as Sean and Nessie had a chuckle. To get his own back though Sean wouldn't go on the canoe with Nessie which meant that she had to paddle the thing on her own for the second time and it was not an easy paddle.
Nessie kept going around in circles and blocking the route, nobody could get around her either. It is fair to say that this attraction is a good day out, it wasn't my best one but it was worth the visit.

As we were having quite full days whilst we were away an afternoon siesta was a really good idea. So when we were not on a trip we would go up for a couple of hours snooze. At precisely 1800 however we would be rudely awakened by the most god awful singing Sean hit the nail on the head by comparing the singer to Margarita Pracatan. 

 She was a novelty singer who used to appear on a chat show in the 1980s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hpkP2mb4SA. The singer in the hotel did have a following who would sit and sing along as well, but this was mainly due to the fact that the resort was all inclusive and some people cannot refuse the opportunity to drink as much as possible.
I am normally a proud Englishman but during this holiday due to the alcohol availability I did see something that made me thoroughly ashamed. Next to the main pool was the pool bar and a group of English families mainly around the mid forties to late fifties had gathered their sun beds. On this particular day one of the men was so drunk he thought it would be funny to wet himself and cup it and throw it at his friend. Sean Nessie Caroline and myself were utterly disgusted. People looked on in horror but as people are so polite nothing was said to him. Although I do think his family saw peoples faces and may have spoken to him after. The worst thing about it for me was that they group had young children with them. As a grandfather myself I couldn't imagine doing something this vile in front of my grandkids let alone anyone elses.

As there was very little in terms of entertainment near our hotel we decided to sign up to go to the big night spot called Coco Bongo https://www.facebook.com/cocobongoshow/. We opted to go for the VIP tickets which included seats and all your drinks included. So on the night we got on the local bus and this took us all the way downtown to where the night club is situated. This club is quite famous as it is a big tourist attraction.
Caroline and Nessie were off of the bus first and straight away were drawn to these two guys one dressed as Spiderman the other as Betteljuice. Big mistake! Sean and I were very wary, its a scam of some sort they want something for sure. No they dont it just fun was their view. So we were encouraged to take pictures of them making out to propose and cuddling up to our wives. Then they decided to grab me and tip me upside down for the next set of photos. They went on to do the same to Sean. As the fun and games came to an end it was at this point the call for payment came along! As I have said I have no issues with people making a few quid but these guys wanted like £20 each! For allowing me to take pictures of my wife with them! Jog on mate.
I explained that I was going to
an all inclusive night in the club and so had no money on me, Spiderman was not impressed and became rather agitated. In the end I just gave him all the coin I had and walked away. The mood turned very sour very quickly, so we made our escape as quick as we could to the safety of the bar.

             

I believe it was around midnight before anyone was let into the club normally we would have all been well and truly in bed by this time, but tonight we were determined to have a good night drinking and dancing. It was a right rigmarole to get in this place. You had to queue up from inside a bar and follow through this long winding hallway. As you got further along they would let people in a couple at a time. Caroline and Nessie were ahead of me and Sean and disappeared around a corner. Once they let us through Caroline and Nessie had disappeared up a load of stairs. We followed the crowd and found Caroline standing by a security window. Turned out that security search all the ladies bags and they had found something in Caroline's that they wanted to confiscate. But Caroline was not prepared to let it go.  You would think that they would be looking for drugs or weapons that sort of thing, well we had left our weapons at home and had already used all our drugs (Joking) so it was kinda surprising that anything a mid forties woman would have in her bag would be interesting to club security. Well it appears that Savlon is a mystery in Mexico and worthy of being confiscated!

Caroline tried to explain to security that she needed it and was not going to give it up without a fight (told ya pit bull) but their English was as good as our Spanish.

The fact that she would not go away and kept speaking in the end prompted the senior security man to thrust a book in front of her.

Basically she had to confirm what it was and why she needed it to be able to keep it. So in her own style she entered Savlon as the item and " itchy fanny" as the reason it was required. Security gave her the cream and off we went, laughing at what the next person to write in that book would think!

We were in the VIP area so we were showed to a load of benches to sit on with a bench in front of us. Not a table and chairs scenario we had expected. But the beer was all included and we had our own waiter who kept lining them up all night. As soon as the bottle was empty along he came with another.

The show was basically a choreographed dance show set against a backdrop of music styles through the years.  They played all the famous stars like the Beatles and Elvis and so on. The dancers dressed up in the style of the time and as the singer or the band.

This was intermingled with a DJ playing and dancing on the bar. There was a flying dwarf Bettlejuice. It was all good fun. It went on to around 0400 in the morning before becoming a nite club until 0600.

Caroline and I were up for staying until the end but the music was very Latin and people were salsa dancing and the like. As an Englishman I will admit to having no rhythm at all, I am you're typical dad dancer and so there was no way I was going to embarrass myself even more than I do normally trying to compete with these young Latino guys throwing the ladies around. And so with our age creeping up on us we departed.

Arriving back at the hotel there was fresh coffee and hot dogs on offer at the reception so whilst not being a Kebab was close enough to a pre sleep half drunk snack, a very nice touch.

Caroline and I were still up by around 10am and down for breakfast, the sun was shining and so a sleep by the pool was a better option than being stuck in the room.

Prior to the end of the holiday we had to do the inevitable gift shopping for mementos for the kids and grand kids and so we set off to the Market that was being advertised as the place to go. The bus driver called out when we were near and the bus emptied. But as we walked along it seemed like we were in the wrong place. We browsed in a couple of stores where it seemed Tequila drinking was expected when you looked around. I didnt know that there are loads of different types tasting totally different from each other. Nessie (the piss head) did her best to taste them as we went around even drinking the ones the rest of us did not like.  Sean and I did the expected Mexican dress up, I thought I looked really good.

I was very tempted to take mine home, but Caroline was not as impressed as Me and Sean were.
As we left the shop we were approached by another English couple who were looking for the same place as us and we were swapping opinions when along

came a local guy who offered to show us where we needed to be. Again English people very skeptical in these situations we walked with him but keeping an eye on where we were going and not engaging with him as much as he wanted us to. As we got closer to the destination, the local man asked (very nicely and politely) if we would just take a look in his shop. See always a catch. But to be fair he was genuine about it there was no pressure other than our own guilt if we didn't go in. Sean is even more skeptical than me so he stayed at the back. As we walked in and Sean came in last the door slammed shut behind him. It was at this point that Sean started to panic a little. He kept insisting that they wouldn't let us out unless we bought something. As this was a jewellery shop there was very little chance of this happening. Sean was even more convinced when we had been all the way around and came to the exit. Sean tried to open the door and it wouldn't open! "told ya" Nessie wiped the smugness away from his face by lifting the lock and opening the door. As we left the local man called out, "thank you for coming in have a nice day". Have faith Sean have faith.

The two weeks away passed quickly as holidays always do. But we had a great time and have made some great memories. We laugh a lot about this trip even to this day and for me this is what your life is all about. When you are old and cannot get anywhere the one thing to hold onto are the memories of the good times you had. This was certainly one of the times.

The adventures of oldies in India

Ever since we have been together Caroline has had a thing about India. To be fair she has a thing about anything ethnic and earthy but going to India has been a dream of hers forever.

It never interested me, and being a stubborn man I would never agree to go. The idea of dirt and beggars hassling you just did not appeal. I also was concerned about the food as I am not a spicy food person.

Caroline always tells people that a Polo is too hot for me! Which is a little exaggeration and I have told her a million times not to say it, but I don’t even have pepper so she does have a point.

Anyway after many years of holidaying in Europe with the children we have got to the age where spreading our wings and seeing more of the world became an option. After a successful trip to Cancun in Mexico with our trusted companions Nessie and Sean, we decided to go away together again. This time however Goa in India was the destination of choice.

I was still rather bothered about it as the preconceived ideas I had all my life were still there, but I thought if it was bad at least I could say “told you so” and gloat until the booking of the next holiday which would then have to be my choice. (Good plan)

India is a winter holiday destination because of the monsoon season so we booked up for November 2015. I am a miserable git to be honest and so the long flight (around 10 hours) was not something else I was looking forward to. Caroline and Sean fall asleep at the drop of a hat so for them its not an issue but for me the only way to get through it was to bang in headphones and watch as many films as possible.

We were sitting in a row of three seats and so Caroline was in the middle with me on one side and a random drunk woman (who was travelling with her mate) on the other. Being totally unsociable I ignored the old girl but Caroline is polite and friendly and so when the woman knocked her glass of wine over Caroline smiled and helped her clean it up. Again when she could not work the in-flight entertainment Caroline smiled and helped, several times.  Caroline dozed off and I was watching a movie, all of a sudden I was jolted by Caroline shouting “Fuck off, don’t do it” whilst pulling a boxing stance Mike Tyson would have been proud of. For some unknown reason the old drunk woman had decided it was a good idea to stick her finger up Caroline’s nose whilst she was asleep.  Not a good idea, she may be friendly chatty and polite but she is also my Pitbull, take on at your own risk!!

Arriving in India the first thing you need to get through is immigration you have to ensure you have an E visa before you travel there is a website for this where you have to apply https://indianvisaonline.gov.in/visa/tvoa.html its all done online but you need to take a copy with you and you do need to have 6 months on your passport. Anyway the queue is a nightmare so my advice is get your arse off the flight quick Goa airport is not Heathrow so don’t expect loads of immigration officers waiting for you. You have to have your picture taken and also finger print scans all takes a while.

By this time Sean and I was busting for a pee and the toilets were just next to the exit. As with most toilets on holidays there is an attendant cleaning up. This guy was a little fat man as we approached we both said no Rupees, not an issue I take sterling the man said as he was pointing at the paper towels (not handing them to us even). Being a soft touch I gave the man £1 he looked very disappointed with my £1 but that’s my limit for a pee especially when he only had to stand and point, so I looked past his disappointment and left, his muttering in Hindi ringing in my ears.

Because we had managed to get through the immigration quickly we were the first out of the airport, there are loads of people around trying to carry your case for you and so on, but they are not as pushy as they are in some other places I have been. You have to walk down an incline to the right as you leave the airport this leads to a bus park for transfers.

Personally I would suggest (if you can) to arrange a personal transfer rather than waiting for the bus. They have to wait until everyone is there and it can take forever. For us it was well over an hour. And sometimes you are waiting for people who have taken a taxi direct and not told the rep. (tell the rep if you decide to take a taxi)

Taking the bus was our first experience of Indian driving. Let me say now this is not for the faint hearted.  It is not unusual to have the busses overtake cars and Lorries. It is not unusual either to have a tuk tuk overtake the bus overtaking the lorry! I shit you not!

The roads are like country lanes for the most part and so hurtling along them in a bus overtaking with oncoming traffic especially when tiered can be a little disconcerting. We were sat at the front and nervous laughing all the way with ooohs and arhhhs ringing out from the back of the bus. Before you start to panic and think this place sounds dangerous, I would comment that I did not see any accidents during my time there and the vehicles all looked in decent condition. So whilst it may not be our way of driving it does appear to be their way.

As you go from the airport to the resort on any holiday you do see the real country and this is also true here. Yes there is a lot of poverty along the way and they have not worked out a good way to deal with their rubbish. There are areas that are literally like landfill areas. But all the way to the resort I am thinking it will improve when we get to the actual resort.

We were staying in Candolim which is in North Goa it’s about an hour’s drive from the airport so when we reached our first stop, I looked at the others and gave the look that said I’m glad we aint staying here! Almost gloating.

So when we stopped literally 5 minutes later after turning down a dark side road my gloating disappeared and the feeling of dread started to build. The bus driver’s assistant was off the bus and chucking out our cases, the rep pointed down another dark lane and said “it’s down there”. As I looked all I could see was a building site and I’m thinking carry on abroad (it’s an old 70 film franchise, a must see). At this point the driver is leaning out of the bus with his hand out for tips, but I was so in shock I just turned and walked away.

As we walked down the lane all of us feeling the same sinking feeling there is was in front of us, The silver sands hideaway. WOW what a fantastic looking hotel. Security by the doors we were welcomed in by the reception staff. Big smiles and friendly faces. The hotel was beautiful. Totally enclosed with the pool in the middle, reception to one side and the apartments to one end.

http://www.thomson.co.uk/destinations/indian-ocean/india/goa/candolim/hotels/silver-sands-hideaway.html

Our room was lovely there was a huge double bed in the room plus a couple of chairs and a sideboard as well as wardrobes. The bathroom had a large double shower all tiled out in contemporary tiles. With a balcony overlooking the pool I couldn’t have been happier with this as a base.

 The hotel does provide breakfast within the price which consists of cereal, juice, tea and coffee fruit, toast and eggs (poached fried scrambled). This is taken by the pool and served from the pool bar. Whilst we were there Cliff was our barman, a really lovely lad keen to please and always friendly and helpful.

                                                                     

You are not able to buy Rupees from the currency places in the UK so you have to change it there. The best places I am told are the Elephant stores, these are a chain of stores like a pharmacy. Sean had taken cash with him but I thought I was just get it out of the cash point. This turned out to be a bad move as you can only take out so much at a time. £100 worth and they charge you every time you take money out, so it is best to take cash and change it there.

The main area of the resort consisted of one long main road with bars and restaurants and one main road coming off of it leading to the beach. This road is conveniently called beach road. Along here are also bars and restaurants but there are also little shops selling everything a holiday maker needs, or all the tat your wife likes to drag you around to look at, whichever way you want to put it.

From our hotel the beach was about a 10 minute walk away, unless as I say you are with the Mrs. and you have to look at all the tat on the way when it can take upto an hour. Again this would depend on how fed up you can make your face look without pissing her off. As you walk along everyone says hello and invites you in to their shop. You can say “another time” and they will accept that but they don’t forget. So if you say it you really ought to mean it. Indian people can put you on a guilt trip quite easily.

 The Beach in Candolim is wonderful very clean and soft to foot. You can also walk on it without burning your feet. The sea on first glance does not look particularly inviting at first I thought it looked rather rough and cold. But boy was I wrong. The seas was like a lukewarm bath. You could walk all the way in without trying to keep your balls out of it. Another bonus for me as I am a bit of a woos is there is no seaweed or rocks either. It is simply wonderful.

The beach is filled with shacks all the way along. These have sunbeds in front of them which you can use for free if you are using their shack. The shacks are built every year from scratch and depending on how early in the season you go will depend on how far they have got with completion.

As you walk along the beach you will get the workers from each shack approach and offer beds, I just said “I’m meeting some friends” which satisfied them but they will say “maybe tomorrow” so best to just reply maybe. Non-committal is the best option. It’s your own personal preference what attracts you to use one shack or another. For us we walked along a fair way as the shacks at the start of the beach seemed to get most trade as they grab people early. We felt it a good idea to spend our money in a shack that may not always get loads of customers. We also decided to use the same one most days to support those people. You may decide to spread your custom around to support more people. Whatever way you go the money you spend will go a long way for the recipient.

 

 We went to the Om beach shack because of these Guys. The really looked after us and valued our custom.

One day shortly after we had arrived in India there was an electrical storm which was amazing to see. It did knock out the electric of the shack however. And all of the ones all along the beach. Rather than closing and throwing us out they got out candles and moved our table into a dry area to make sure we were comfortable.

We ended up playing music on our phones having a dance about with a few beers. The highlight of the night however fell to Nessie who whilst holding a candle gave us a rendition of candle in the wind! Only problem was as Sean came back from the loo he pointed out that she was singing it to the tune of Im walking in the air! It wasn’t until this point that we all realised that. We did give a little chuckle at that, and we do actually have a video which hasn’t been publicly released YET. Yes Nessie we do still have it £250 from Harry Hill I can hear calling.

We decided to go to the Wednesday market at Mapusa, traveling by Tuk Tuk which was a great adventure. The driver was great and the deal was to take us there wait whilst we shopped and then bring us back all for 400 Rupees (£4).

The market is right next to a large bus station which is really busy, there are people everywhere including rough sleepers and beggars but there was no issues. The market itself was a fair size but the main thing that seemed to be on sale was some kind of dried fish, it stank. Sean is not much of a market person so he was not very impressed with having to go to a market to look around the usual tourist tat. This was made worse by the fact that a drum seller spotted him and thought he would be a sure thing to buy a drum.

Big mistake Sean was not in the buying mood, reducing the price also made no difference, with Sean telling the seller it’s not a bargain if you don’t want it anyway. The seller was persistent however. Sean advising the guy to go away otherwise he would put his fist through the drum seemed to be the only thing to settle the situation. Sean did predict that we would all probably go home with a drum each at some point. He wasn’t wrong we took home two each. And paid more than the market seller was asking. Think there is a lesson there.

As a group we are not the sort of people to just sit around on the beach all day sunbathing, whilst we do like a fair bit of that we also like to see a bit of the country we are visiting. There are plenty of places to go to in Goa which are all available from the holiday reps. However the cost of these trips from them are a lot more costly than you pay from shopping around with local people including expats. There is a large group of people living in India from the UK. All of them really helpful and friendly.

We had been put in touch with a local taxi driver via friends from Nessie and Sean and having got in touch with him we arranged to go on a couple of trips. The first of these was a trip to Dudhsagar falls which also includes a trip to the spice garden and an Elephant trek and wash.  It was an early start in the morning but in a taxi with just us that’s fine. It was a very long journey but very entertaining with the driver (Pee) singing Indian songs most of the way whilst dodging oncoming traffic. We did join in a few of them as they are very catchy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoLnH4QmtAY

 Once we arrived it was like a mad cattle market, the main man there spouted the prices so quickly that we didn’t get any of it apart from the final statement “now you pay”. We all looked at each other and laughed as we all knew what each other was thinking. Basically we had to pay a price per person based on the amount of people per vehicle going up to the falls. As there was only 4 of us the price was higher than we had thought. We ended up sharing the vehicle with some people from Eastern Europe who spoke very little English but it made it cheaper so that was fine. Caroline bought some bananas from an old woman hassling us as soon as we got out of the taxi. “For the monkeys, for the monkeys” she called out in a sad voice putting on the sad eyes. Little did we know you’re not allowed to feed the monkeys really, although people do anyway.

It was a long and bumpy road up to the falls but you have a guide and they tell you all about the falls and the surrounding area. He is not in the cost so will expect a tip at the end. There are some hairy arsed spiders on that road and some a huge. They will stop off so you can get some pictures. Once at the parking area there are monkeys everywhere loads of little ones that are very cute but you have to be careful as there are also some very large ones who are not as friendly as you would hope. As soon as Caroline showed the bananas a big one came running over and grabbed at them. Caroline instinctively struggled with him pulling the bags away from him. The monkey was literally hanging off of the bag with Caroline swinging him around.

       The guide panicked shouting let him have it, and not in the punch the monkey way. He meant give him the bananas. As soon as she did he ran off with a whole bunch. I am sure he had done this before he was well smug with himself. We trekked up through the woods finally reaching the waterfalls it was wonderful the falls looked amazing. There was an opening which allowed you to get into the water. It was really slippery so you need to take care as you enter, the water was very fresh shall we say but fine once you are in. You have to wear a life jacket but to be fair it was worth it as there was a definite undercurrent which stopped you getting right over to the waterfall. There were loads of fish in there swimming about and the water was very very clear.

Caroline sat on the rocks and again there were monkeys all over the place they will take food from your hand but you can see there is clear pecking order with the small ones and the females making a run for it when the big male comes over.

The next part of the trip is a visit to a spice garden where you have lunch thrown in. We didn’t fancy that as they basically take you around explaining about all the spices, we weren’t interested as the cost of it did not seem worth it. We decided to go on the elephant trek and wash which is in the same place.

I have to say it is amazing to get that close to an elephant. The wash was basically sitting on its back with the elephant throwing water over its back on you. The trek was a small walk around the compound. The elephants looked well cared for and loved but to be honest I am not sure I would do it again as you do hear so many stories, not just about India of course. I am not suggesting these elephants were abused in any way I’m just not sure that it’s right to support this sort of thing. I loved the elephants they are amazing beautiful animals but I’m sure that it would be better to see them in their natural habitat.

A couple of days later we went on a trip to do dolphin watching which was just up the coast. Once again Pee took us which made it cheaper. This was a small trip taking a couple of hours. We reached the beach area where there is a little market selling the normal tourist bits and bobs. Along the beach there was several boats lined up. There went out in order of when they were filled up. So this is a shared experience. The four of us were in a boat with an Indian family. Not sure they had seen may white people to be honest as the children kept looking at us. This wasn’t helped by the fact that Sean became sea sick on the way out. Now this may have been to do with the amount of alcohol he had drunk the night before but I can neither confirm nor deny that. Sean looked very ropey but the side of the boat he was on was higher than the other side, so he decided to try to get across the boat to be sick overboard. Needless to say this did not go according to plan. As none of us knew why he tried to get across the boat we all looked on in horror and laughter. The Indian people looked on in disgust, which made us laugh even more.

   

 As I said earlier there are a lot of expats in the area we were staying. We met a guy in the bar called Scott. Really nice guy and really helpful. Sean and I had talked about going to a football match whilst we were on holiday. Goa have their own team FC Goa who play in the Indian Super League. The manager is the legendary Brazilian Zico. They were scheduled to play Mumbai City managed by Nickolas Anelka (former Arsenal player) As Spurs fans this seemed like fate.

Scott was great he said he would help as he knew a group of people who go to the games and he would hook us up. Come the day of the match we were told to meet outside a bar called the Fisherman’s cove. Problem was that there are two called Fisherman’s cove and because we did not know the people we were meeting we wasn’t sure which one we should be at. So Sean went to one and we stayed at the other waiting for a minibus to arrive.  As it turned out the one we was at was the wrong one so Sean had to get the driver to go out of his way to come and collect us.

We picked up some other guys on the way (Mike and Chaz) who had the tickets for us. Worked out about £10 each for the ticket and £3 for the minibus, what a bargain. The guys on the trip were great really friendly and involved us all the way making sure we knew where to go and everything. We stopped on the way for a few beers and to get to know each other a little. This was really good and a great laugh. We did have a fair few beers which you helped yourself to from the fridge. You just kept the bottles and the barman just added up the cost based on that.

 

As we got closer to the ground the atmosphere started to grow, cars were bibbing their horns and flags were being waved from the backs and from people on motorbikes. Nessie hung out of the window and asked a passing motorbike for a flag which was given to her with no hesitation. The crowd were really happy and friendly.

We all made our way to the ground where the crowd became larger and larger but it was all very welcoming. We pushed our way into the crowd to get into the ground and found our way to our seats.

The stadium was surprisingly good it was clean with good seating and good visibility all around. The atmosphere was fantastic. Flags hooters bells everywhere the noise was deafening. People were going around selling food and drinks and there was even a band going all around the ground whipping up the fans. Before the game kicked off fireworks were set off and we were told that happens everytime Goa score. For us this was the best game to go to as Goa won 7-0 yep 7-0 Anelka was humiliated we loved that fact.

 The supporters around us were singing and jumping around with one guy high fiving Caroline each and every time they scored. It was a brilliant experience. Great people great atmosphere great score.

 

  

To finish the day we stopped off at the bar on the way home for a nice meal and a few beers for the journey. For me this was one of the best days of the holiday, it also shows if you talk to people around you can make some nice friends who can enhance your holiday experience.

One of the biggest things we had planned to do whilst in India was to visit the Taj Mahal. We had done some research whilst we were at home in the UK. So we knew that we would have to get to Delhi first before going on to Agra where the Taj actually is. We had also looked at the cost but we decided to look once we got to India hoping it would be cheaper.

We went to a couple of travel agents and we were quoted prices that reduced from place to place but were still a little higher than we wanted to pay. So we spoke with Pee who took us to a friend in the next town (Calangute). We sat with him and told him exactly what we wanted to do. There is a pre organsied trip called the golden triangle which you could go on but we just wanted to go to the Taj and see the area around it.

So we arranged the following: pick up from our hotel and taken to Goa airport. Flights from Goa to Delhi, pick up from the airport and taken to the hotel in Delhi. Stay in the hotel over night with breakfast in the morning. Pick up from the hotel and taken to the train station in Delhi. Train tickets to Agra and with all of this in reverse. The cost was £220 per person! All we had to pay for was our entry into the Taj and transport to and from the station. As we did not know what the place was like or what there was to do we arranged and early train journey to Agra with a late journey back to Delhi.

The Journey from Goa to Delhi was very straight forward. We only took hand luggage so we were on and off the flight with no hassle and as arranged our taxi was there waiting for us at the airport. It’s a 2 hour flight to Delhi so not too bad. We arrived and the taxi driver took us straight to the hotel. It was getting dark by this time and it was the Diwali festival time so there was decorations of lights all over the place.

As we arrived at the hotel it looked adequate for our needs but to be fair the area did not look great. But then we were in India and in a city in India so I’m not sure what we expected? Sean was funny as he did look horrified and as we entered the hotel his passing comment was “I aint leaving the building until tomorrow. “ This made me laugh, I can’t help it when Sean is stressed it really tickles me. We had bell boys show us to our rooms which were literally 10 paces away from the reception (comical) Sean gave him a tip of about £1 and the bellboy looked disgusted whilst still holding out his hand. Sean was unmoved and unimpressed, so just gave him his look of don’t bother I’m not in the mood.

To try to settle ourselves Caroline asked the reception person if it was safe to go outside and walk around the area. “Of course very safe” was the receptions opinion. So out we went in search of food. There was a large group of men next to the hotel and so we asked for some directions which they happily gave. As soon as we started to walk along the road we were approached by a Tuk Tuk driver trying to put the frighteners on us. “you’re tourist this area is not safe for you, come with me I take you to the tourist place” was his first try. But we are tough Brits not easily scared off, we kept going. As we walked along the Tuk tuk followed, it did start to resemble Baghdad at night as we walked along the atmosphere was added to by random fireworks going off left right and centre. I am not talking organsied display style.  This was more like gunpowder and matches style set off by anyone who had the components man woman or child. It did make things a little more intimidating. Just then another Tuk Tuk turned up with an older man in. “This is not for you, you’re in the wrong area for tourists its not safe here please do not go any further” at that point we were all facing the other direction and heading back to the hotel! Our exploration of Delhi at night had lasted about 10 minutes. What a bunch of Wally’s.

It didn’t help the Tuk Tuk drivers as we headed straight back into the hotel so their efforts to get us in their vehicles failed miserably. We went to the reception and told the guy there what had happened. His view was that the Tuk Tuk drivers were trying to get us to go with them. He also said that these drivers are not trustworthy people. There is an area of Delhi which is the main area for tourist called Connaught place. We had researched this prior to coming on holiday and so we decided to play it safe by going there by taxi from the hotel. Nothing could go wrong like this?

The taxi arrived and off we went the driver could not speak a word of English and so we could not make any plans to be picked up or get his number or anything but we thought that’s no issue there will be taxis all around surely? So he dropped us off at our destination, straight away it hit us that it was very quiet there was no people around shops were all closed and there was darkness all around. Good start we thought. We wandered around looking for some kind of welcoming sight to head to. This seemed like a tall order as we walked past an old guy having a piddle in the street. He didn’t bat an eyelid as we passed him, the smell of piss did indicate that this was a normal activity for this particular street.

We stood looking at the menu of a place when all of a sudden the loudest scariest bang was let out. Sean and I must have jumped about 10 foot in the air, I thought my heart would miss a beat. Bloody fireworks again nearly shit my pants. We decided to eat in the restaurant that seemed to be the only one open. The level of English spoken was once again very limited (better than my Hindi by a country mile to be fair) so sign language and talking slow were the order of the day. I said earlier in this piece that I am not very good with spicy food, I had by then had some great Indian food though by asking for no spice. I had opted for Masala with no spice which I coped with very well especially with Naan which seemed to take the edge off. So both Caroline and I opted for this. I don’t recall what Nessie and Sean had but it was something that wouldn’t have any spice in it. Sean eats anything and I mean anything (apple cores, spicy tortillas for breakfast for example) but Nessie is worse than me for spice.

Clearly my sign language and slow talking counted for nothing as the masala I had was the spiciest thing I have ever eaten in my life! Even Caroline struggled with it and she has a good tolerance to hot food. I plodded on using my naan and beer to ease the fire in my mouth. I was not going to let a curry spoil my trip. Feeling like I was in Baghdad under fire might spoil it but a curry never!

Getting back to the hotel was another mission. There was no taxis around, there appeared to be no taxi rank and also nobody to ask. The only advice we were offered was to take the metro! Take the metro? Are they taking the piss? We couldn’t order a mild curry let alone find our way back to a hotel on the underground!

So in the end rather than using the established organsied transport system, we got in a random car with a stranger called by a street seller for us. How stupid are we really? Don’t trust a tuk tuk driver but will get into a car with a total stranger in the hope that he can get us back to our hotel safe?

Well he did, he was a really nice guy just trying to earn a few quid. The street seller was a top guy who was happy to help visitors to his country who were lost and clearly clueless. Easy pickings for the wrong sort, but not this guy. Would you trust this situation if you was in England? Would you help someone in our position?

We got back to the hotel and signed with relief, safe at last. I slept very well the room was fine and it had been a long and adventurous day. The next morning we were up nice and early for breakfast. Sean did not look too impressed sitting quietly at the table. On cue the taxi arrived for us and off we went. Delhi in the daylight looked a lot better than it had the night before. Things improve in the light especially when you have had a good night’s sleep. The driver took us right up to the entrance to the train station pointing us to the direction of the entrance. Well Kings cross, Euston it isn’t people everywhere and loads of platforms. There we were again the confused looking foreigners. Right on cue along comes a friendly Indian man who selflessly takes us all the way to our carriage showing us how the platform and notices on the train worked. He didn’t expect anything for his trouble, he was just happy to help.

I was really excited about this train ride it was going to be 2 hours long but what a great way to see the country. I was also a little excited about the prospect of having people sitting on the roof and hanging off the sides of the train. Unfortunately this did not happen on this particular train journey.  Sean was still very quiet the trauma of the day before still upper most in his memory. The train ride was really cool though. There was a guy selling food and another selling drinks up and down the train really cheap as well. The toilet was another thing though. There was a European toilet on the train but this left a lot to be desired. We opted for the Indian toilet which was a hole in the floor that went straight onto the train tracks.

Whilst on the train we met a young lady and her mum from Sweden, she was a medical student in India studying but was now on a break and so back packing with her mum. They had been all around and were on their way to the Taj Mahal as well. She told us about a stand at the station where you can get a taxi and guide to take you to all the attractions. There would be chancers at the exit but to push on to the stand as we would not then get ripped off. This was great advice, and she was spot on. You go to the stand and pay your fee including for a guide and they give you a ticket to your own taxi and guide for the day. This again was stupidly cheap a matter of a couple of quid per person for the day.

Agra was not what I expected. It is a large city with loads of hustle and bustle. The noise from the traffic beeping their horns was crazy. They beep to let you know they are overtaking, they beep to let you know you can go, they beep to let you know they have a hooter I think. It was in Agra where we saw 9 people in one Tuk tuk (which are built for 2 plus the driver) 3 people on a motorbike, and also a baby driving a van.

The roads are crazy, its very much like the start of the whacky races with everyone vying for a place. It really has to be seen to be believed.

Anyway the Taj is not too far away from the station, it’s like it is set in a garden. We parked up on the side of the main road and then walked along a long road inside a walled area. There was Tuk Tuks that carry several passengers and camel rides and so on but we decided to walk up along the pavement. There were monkeys just sitting around like you would have cats in England. Nobody took any notice.

As we walked up the guide explained that there was 20k visitors to the Taj each day. The cost to go in also differs if you are a tourist or a local which to be honest I thought was good and the right thing to do. Tourist have far more money than local Indian people for a start and its their attraction so why should they pay full whack. Something the British government would do well to consider. The other thing worth noting is that the cost is pittance in comparison to what you would pay in the UK anyway.

Having a guide was a great decision as he cut straight to the front of the queues all the time. He also knew all the best photo opportunities and was also extremely knowledgeable about the Taj and the other attractions in Agra.

Whilst waiting for the guide to get our tickets I was approached by a guy with a professional camera. You can get these guys to go around with you and they take all your pictures for you and do some nice professional prints. Obviously there is a cost involved and to be honest we took pictures on our phones anyway as we put them on Facebook and so on. It is very rare we get a phot album out nowadays.

However this guy was not going to hassle me about taking my pictures for me, he actually recognized me! He said “I saw you on the beach in Candolim last week”, “I was on holiday and saw you there!” I was like really? You saw me last week and out of all the people on the beach that day you remembered me? This turned out to be our first experience of being famous.

As we walked through the security and on up to the gate to the Taj we did get a sense of everyone taking a little notice of these 4 English people wandering along. We didn’t take any notice at this point. We were so in awe of the Taj Mahal.

Like most people who haven’t been to the Taj Mahal (probably) I did not expect too much. I just thought yeah it’s a big white building that some fella made for his wife. Princess Diana had her sad face picture taken there and that’s it.

Well I have to be totally honest, I was blown away. Totally blown away. The place is magnificent, it is completely spellbinding and when you see it goose bumps go all up your spine. I did not expect that in the slightest. It was awesome. The guide told us all about it and about the king who made it and where the stones come from and so on. It is really interesting. It’s not just about building it for his wife. This king actually had a Jewish wife, a Christian wife, a Muslim wife and a Hindu wife the reason being to unite the faiths in India. (Great idea) The Muslim wife was his favorite and when she was dying she actually asked him to build this as a monument to their love. The stones are all hand carved and when you see the work that went into it you can see the care that was taken. The stone came from Afghanistan and shines different colours at different times of the day.  The King and the favorite wife are both in tombs within the Taj next to each other with his slightly above hers.

You get to go all around the Taj both inside and out and there is a lot to see. There are plenty of places for pictures but don’t plan on sitting alone on a bench to look sad. 19999 other people all have the same idea. Also don’t think about taking banners or flags either as this is not permitted. We took our south Dorset Spurs supporters club flag but they wouldn’t let us take it in.

Going back the fame thing as we were walking around we started to notice people (especially the younger ones) slyly taking pictures of us. They were nudging each other and pointing us out. It got to a point where we were in a small room and this young lad tried to take a picture on his phone, but at that time I just turned around and caught him. In shock he quickly tried to put his phone away and make out he wasn’t doing anything. You know the look? Spinning around chin up whistling! He wasn’t fooling me, so Caroline said to the lad “do you want a picture?” and with that he enthusiastically nodded and came running over to me. He gave his mate his phone and we had a picture taken, then before I knew it there was a queue of lads lining up to have their photos done. As soon as people around saw that we were OK to have a picture with that was it all of us were being asked and having babies put in our arms and so on. So much so that the guide had a go at us for holding him up! Caroline (the Pitbull) said “hold on mate who’s paying who here?” At which point I think he realised that he was out of line.

After going around the Taj and having photos done we were then going to the next attraction in Agra called the red fort. As we left however we were surrounded by street kids selling all sorts of tat. Fridge magnets snow globes and so on. The guide was rushing us off and so we jumped into a tuk tuk, but as we were going along these kids were chasing us down the road still trying to sell their wares. They managed to keep up for long periods whilst trying to barter it was hilarious. One lad had a snow globe but it was leaking everywhere as he was running. We pointed this out and he said “its ok I get another one,” and off he ran. We did think we had shaken them all off until one of them popped up again and made us all jump and then laugh, proper belly laughs as well. We got to our taxi and once safely inside we bought a couple of fridge magnets and so on, the cost was peanuts but meant a lot to them.

The red fort was as equally interesting as the Taj in terms of its story. It was nowhere near as beautiful but really well worth a visit. This was built by the same king and each of his wives had their own apartments. There is a large garden which hosted parties and entertainment for their pleasure. It also would have had its own Bazar (market) specifically for the king’s wives and also his harem (yep he had some stamina). It was a truly a very interesting tour.

Once again however we seemed to be the centre of attention for lots of the Indian people. And once again we were having our picture taken both with our permission and also on the sly. Everyone wanted in on the action. Look how happy these guys are. Also check out the faces on the right looking on well chuffed with themselves.

As with most of these guided trips they do take you to places where they want to sell their wares. So we did go to a jeweler place, a carpet place and also a marble place. To be fair they were really interesting as well. But none of us had brought money with us for that sort of thing as we hadn’t realised that would be there. He did also take us to a place for lunch which was very nice. The bonus being we actually managed to see a real life snake charmer. Brilliant!

During the day we did get a little thirsty so asked to go somewhere to have a beer. We sat down in a beer garden and ordered 4 beers sat chatting enjoying the rest. When the bill came up we looked at it and were shocked. The bill came to 1200 rupees! We were outraged, there must be some kind of mistake? Were we being ripped off? Actually 1200 rupees is like £12 so it was £3 per pint! Less than you pay in the local! Thing is you get very used to £1 per pint very quickly, and so rather embarrassed we paid the bill and slipped off. Didn’t leave a tip though robbing bastards.

After we had seen all we wanted to see the driver and guide took us directly to the train station. We had a few hours to wait before our train was due, so hanging around the station was the chosen option. We hadn’t realised how big Agra was and that the station was not near shops or bars or anything. We expected to have some time just mooching about but this was not an option. We went and sat in a small air conditioned room having a cold drink, we were the only people in there so there was no problem. As we sat there Caroline noticed a big arsed Rat sitting under Nessie’s chair in the corner. Caroline is a very animal friendly person she don’t even kill cockroaches. Her main concern was for the welfare of the rat as it did not look very happy.

Nessie and Sean on the other hand wanted to get as far away from it as possible. Nessie was up out of that chair like a tornado over to the other side of the room. We sat there just watching this rat make its way around the room under the chairs and back again. I have to say it was rather large. As we sat there more and more people started to come in to eat their snacks and drink their drinks, someone wasn’t too impressed with us just sitting there (especially as Sean had done his normal thing and gone to sleep) and had called the station guard. He came in and basically chucked us out. We thought he was taking us somewhere else to sit, he wasn’t, he indicated for us to follow and then just walked off leaving us standing there like a bunch of spare parts.

  

So as we were left with little options left we decided to go and find our platform to wait on. That was the first issue trying to find out where we were actually supposed to be. Nobody seemed to be able to tell us clearly where we should be. After speaking to the Station people they seemed to indicate the platform we needed. We were not convinced to be fair but it was the best information we had. We had a wander over with the intention of finding a bench to sit on. It seemed we were the only white faces around and so the other people on the platform were looking at us nudging each other, it was really strange. We wasn’t sure if they were friendly or not, and I think they felt the same. Who were these pale faces what are they doing here? Are they nice?

We came to an opening and thought we would sit on the platform floor, that was until we noticed an army of rats all running around. Now I am not bothered about rats but this was like a scene from I’m a celebrity get me out of here, there was hundreds. Exit stage left was the decision and off we was wandering again. Eventually we did find a couple of seats to sit on but not all of us together.  Caroline and Nessie sat on a bench next to an Indian family. There was a man and his wife and a toddler a little girl. She was mesmerized by Caroline and Nessie. The wife just stared not saying anything. The thing with a lot of Indian people is that they are not worried about you catching them looking. Certainly this lady was blatant. She sat there staring at Caroline and when Caroline looked and smiled the woman was unmoved. Her face was dead pan just looking, it was a funny uncomfortable situation.

Caroline ended up getting up to stretch her legs and telling me about it laughing, Sean took the opportunity to grab her seat. He tried to avoid eye contact with the woman and sat looking in the other direction. Undeterred the woman continued to stare, Sean thought she had looked away and so when he finally turned to her direction he came face to face with her their noses almost touching. Sean actually jumped as she was that close staring right into his face. I almost wet myself. What made it more funny was that the woman originally had her face covered but by this point had let her vail drop. She had some right wonky teeth sticking out left and right all over the place. If you have ever watched bugs bunny cartoons you may have seen the one where bugs is attracted to this fit as belly dancer type only to reveal her face with great buck teeth! This was very similar.

                                                                    

It did turn out though that the man and his wife were really nice and friendly, she could not speak English but was mesmerized by us as she had limited contact with white people. The man spoke broken English as so we had a nice time talking to them. Once other people around saw us talking to the couple it seemed to put them at ease and the whole situation become friendlier. It’s strange to think that these people were uneasy about 4 English people sitting on their platform. I guess it is similar to some people seeing a Muslim man with a back pack waiting to board your flight at the airport. People make snap decisions based on their limited knowledge of the people in front of them.

As I sat there a couple of men jumped off of a train that pulled into the station and came over to me. I was a little surprised and also a bit skeptical as to their intentions. The main guy came straight over to me and held out his hand to shake mine. I happily shook his hand and said hello. He just asked me about myself and asked me where we were going and why we were here in Agra. Just general chat. In my mind I thought he was after something but I couldn’t work out what it was. Surely he didn’t get off of his train just to speak to me? Did he? Well actually he did. He wanted to speak to the Englishman sat on a platform in Agra covered in tattoos. Amazing really! As he came and spoke to me a crowd seemed to build around me. All of them listening to our conversation, totally intrigued by me. The man kept slipping into Hindi and one of the crowd reminded him that I did not understand. He was confused “why can’t you speak Hindi” he asked surely as he could speak English I should be able to speak Hindi. A very good point to be fair, he was a normal Indian man from Rajasthan I’m an Englishman from London more worldly wise? No just lazy and arrogant that everyone should speak English.

“You go back to England and teach them Hindi” the man laughed. “Well I would have a job as I don’t understand it myself” I replied to which he laughed even more. It was at this point that one of the crowd pointed out to him that his train was pulling out of the station, just like that in a flash he turned and ran shouting goodbye as he chased down his train jumping on just in time. The crowd then started to disperse. Caroline lent over to me and said “I was well worried then as that crowd gathered, I thought they were going to turn on you”. Once again it just shows that sometimes your perception and natural caution are totally at odds with the niceness and nosiness of people.

                                             

As everyone knows there is a lot of poverty in India with Beggars and rough sleepers all over. Whilst we were sitting at the station Sean and I watched as a man got up from under a blanket on the platform. We hadn’t noticed him previously but he had clearly been sleeping on the platform. He caught our eye as he stood up stretched and then scratched his nuts as all men do when they wake up.  He then preceded to walk over to the edge of the platform crouch down, whip out his old chap and have the longest pee ever. Once finished he stood up had a shake and turned and walked away like it was the norm. To add to the spectacle the then stuck his hand down the back of his trousers and began to have a right old dig about! Sean and I looked at each other in amazement and laughed. Not one other person blinked an eye at this situation like it was just another ordinary day.

Due to the confusion about where we should have been waiting we were getting a little bit panicky as the time for4 the train got ever closer. Fortunately there was a family nearby who offered to help, they were going a little further than us but were due to be on the same train. The wife was really good with her English having spent some time in England in the past. She explained there were signs hanging on the platform which actually indicate which carriage would stop where. She also pointed out to us when the carriage arrived bang on where it was expected to, that our names (and that of all the passengers in that carriage) were written on the side of the carriage! How simple is that? Once you know life becomes so much simpler. The family went out of their way to take us to our actual seats, they also made the guard on the train provide new clean sheets pillows and blankets for us. A truly lovely gesture.

The seats on the train aren’t actually seats they are beds! We had sat up the whole way there as we had the area to ourselves but on the way back there was other people in the carriage and they wanted to lay down as it was now getting late at night. Sean and I were very gallant and opted to lay on the top bunks, Sean was alright as his is a lot fitter than me. But for me climbing up was a challenge, especially as I have a dodgy leg and I am not known as Topple for nothing. (Always falling over). I did make it after a tussle, it was rather cramped up the top. You couldn’t sit you really did have to lay down.

                                          

Now as I said before Sean and Caroline find it quite easy to fall asleep and so within seconds they were away with the fairies. Me well I thought that I was just resting my eyes. Turns out that actually Caroline and I were snoring really loudly in unison me then her me then her. So much so that the other travelers actually came around to see what was going on. Luckily for us we were fast asleep and missed all the commotion.  There was one small embarrassing moment however when Caroline coughed and let out the most almighty love puff (that’s a fart by the way). To add insult though she tried to get me or Sean to take the blame! Cheek but then its not the first time she has tried to shift the blame on to me. What are husbands for eh?

The rest of the trip back to Goa was uneventful (well by our standards) but arriving back was great. It was like coming home. The hotel staff were pleased to see us and wanted to know all about our adventures. It seems that not all visitors to India do as much as we did but I have to say I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. It was truly an inspirational holiday where the people make you feel so welcome and give you back that feeling of faith in others.

I can now totally understand why people fall in love with the place. It is wonderful and this will not be our last trip there. It’s a big world out there with lots to see and that is our mission but India is one place that cannot just be touched upon. It has to be experienced and this takes more than two weeks no matter how much you pack into it.